1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:11,999 ♪ I know we're older now 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,600 ♪ And lost again 3 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:23,159 ♪ Down at the cul-de-sac 4 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,720 ♪ You left, my friend 5 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,839 ♪ Will you come back 6 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,560 ♪ Come back again? 7 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,719 ♪ Will you come back 8 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,440 ♪ Come back again? 9 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,200 ♪ I put the kettle on 10 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,639 ♪ The wise man's song 11 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,000 ♪ For you. ♪ 12 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,320 Hello, Michael. 13 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,680 Morning... Morning. 14 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,599 Yeah, I was just wondering about your garden, actually, mate, 15 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,239 to be honest. 16 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,639 What about it? 17 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,639 Well, I mean, it's getting a bit overgrown now, you know. 18 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:33,639 Starting to cut out a lot of light, so... 19 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,319 Right, well, I'll sort that, then. 20 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,639 Wicked. OK, you reckon you'll get a chance? 21 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:39,999 - Definitely. - Awesome. 22 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,639 Did you get the letter from the council? 23 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,639 Probably. I never open them. 24 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,919 Bloody council, eh? Always after something. 25 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,599 Well, there might one about the, erm... 26 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,359 Doesn't matter. 27 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,159 You reckon you'll get a chance, though? 28 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,479 - Take it back a bit? - Yep. 29 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,799 - Yes. - Awesome. Awesome. 30 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,240 All right. See you later, buddy. 31 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,760 Cheers, Cliff. 32 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,159 It's Clive. 33 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,440 See you soon! 34 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,079 Oi, oi! 35 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,439 Here he is then, The Beard, The Legend! 36 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,319 WILD LAUGHTER 37 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,919 Michael! Michael! 38 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,439 Mike! 39 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:49,660 WILD LAUGHTER 40 00:02:49,661 --> 00:02:50,880 All right, Brigham? 41 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:01,719 ♪ Wow! 42 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,679 ♪ She's got it 43 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,079 ♪ Yeah, baby, she's got it... ♪ 44 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,239 TANNOY JINGLE 45 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:12,039 Can Kacey come to Sealants and Grouting with a mop and bucket? 46 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,560 Trish, it's Gordon, what's this mop for? Has something been spilled? 47 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,279 Speak to me, Trish. 48 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,400 - TANNOY: - Just a spillage in Sealants and Grouting. 49 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:25,799 Use the comms, please, Trish. 50 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,399 What's been spilled? 51 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,599 - TANNOY: - Just trying to find out. 52 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,200 Use the comms, Trish, not the tannoy. 53 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,959 - TANNOY: - Some sort of sealant. 54 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,360 Get a mop. Get it cleaned up. 55 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,719 Uh, no, you don't understand. 56 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,799 Why would we sell six screws in a biodegradable paper bag, 57 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:51,159 when if we only sell them in polyurethane tubs of 500, 58 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:55,319 the customer is forced into buying much more of them? 59 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:59,559 Making us much, much more money. 60 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:00,600 I see. 61 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,559 Do you have a hand-drill? 62 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,760 INCREDULOUSLY: A hand-drill? 63 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,280 We stopped stocking hand-drills in 1953. 64 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:20,519 What was 1953? 65 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,800 The Queen's Coronation. 66 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,919 - Have you been on your break? - Which break - lunch break? - Tea break. 67 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:28,960 No. 68 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,519 Vending machine needs stocking up. 69 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,600 - Double Deckers. - Double Deckers. Got it. 70 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,199 And beef Discos, then go on your break. 71 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,120 Double Deckers, beef Discos, break. 72 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,119 - SHE MOUTHS TANNOY: - Could the owner of a small 73 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,879 child wearing yellow dungarees please come to the power tools 74 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,360 section in aisle three. 75 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,879 Michael! Michael! You out clubbing tonight? 76 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:06,039 WILD LAUGHTER 77 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,520 Absolute legend! 78 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,840 See you there. Mine's a whisky and coke! 79 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,359 - Hello, Hilary. - Oh, hello, love. 80 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,319 - He's in the lounge. - Thanks. 81 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,959 - Has he been all right? - Yeah, I think so. 82 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,599 Building his contraptions. 83 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,079 Telling his stories, you know. 84 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,680 Keeping everyone amused. 85 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,280 See you later. 86 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,400 Oh. 87 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,959 - Hello, Dad. - You all right? - Hello, son. 88 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,639 You back from your travels? 89 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,120 I haven't been anywhere, Dad. 90 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,079 I must have nodded off. 91 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,120 You've been busy. 92 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,719 Oh, yeah, yeah. 93 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,239 Does it work? 94 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,759 Erm, sometimes, yeah. 95 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,319 Here you are, then. 96 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,400 - Oh? - Have a go. 97 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,199 - Where does it start? - On the book. 98 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,960 - What here? - Yes. Yeah. 99 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:18,920 CHUCKLING 100 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,439 CHIMING 101 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:23,879 CHUCKLING 102 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,959 That is fantastic, Dad! 103 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,439 Oh, well. 104 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:28,560 Utter waste of time. 105 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,560 Oh, I don't know. It keeps your brain ticking over. 106 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,440 Who brings you the Brazil nuts? 107 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,319 - You what? - You've always got a bowl of shelled Brazil nuts. 108 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,159 Oh, yeah, she gives 'em to me, Gladys. 109 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,999 Her granddaughter brings them for her, 110 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,999 but her dentures can't cope with the nuts, 111 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,399 so she just sucks the chocolate off. 112 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,440 I never touch them. 113 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,479 So, er, what have you been up to? 114 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,839 You know, this and that. Working at the DIY place. 115 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,439 Ah. How's Clea? 116 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,720 Is she well? 117 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,319 Clea went away, didn't she, Dad, years ago now. 118 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,720 You remember? We don't know where she went. 119 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,919 Oh, shit, I forgot. 120 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,199 Yeah. At Christmas-time. 121 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,480 Yes. Christmas Eve. 122 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,639 No news? 123 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,559 - No answers? - No. 124 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,799 Just questions. 125 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,519 Lots of questions. 126 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:26,560 I'm sorry, son. 127 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:28,720 It's all right. 128 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,359 I actually don't mind talking about her. 129 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,120 Friends tend to avoid the subject. 130 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,879 Ow! 131 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:38,920 What is it? 132 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:45,320 A draughts piece? No, hang on... 133 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,399 Pontefract cake. 134 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,119 Oh, I know who you are! 135 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,279 I know who's doing it! 136 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:57,079 SNORING 137 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,279 Bastards! 138 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,920 Hey, it's all right, Dad. 139 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,759 While I remember, would you post my competitions for me? 140 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,039 Yeah, yeah. Of course I will. 141 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,239 Can't you get one of the staff here to post them for you? 142 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,239 I don't trust them. They just chuck them in the bin. 143 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,279 Dad, I'm sure they wouldn't, but, yes, I'll take them for you. 144 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,519 What are you going to win? 145 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,919 Er, fishing equipment, knitting machine, 146 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,679 and, er, this one's a hot tub. 147 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,840 Oh, nice, all very useful. 148 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,519 Here you go, dinner's up. 149 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:27,679 Shall I leave you to it? 150 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,279 All right, sunshine. Will I see you tomorrow? 151 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,640 Yeah. I'll be here. 152 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,560 Maybe we can talk about her, then. 153 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:36,680 Who...? Who's that? 154 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,279 - Clea. - Clea... 155 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,599 Oh, Clea! Oh, lovely Clea. 156 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,800 Give her my love. 157 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,280 I love you, Dad. 158 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,200 PHONE RINGS 159 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,479 ♪ And the tape rolls on 160 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,559 ♪ Another year gone... ♪ 161 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,439 DOOR SHUTS 162 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,639 We don't encourage people to be creative here. 163 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,599 We pretend we do. 164 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,839 Take the paint mixing service, for example. 165 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,919 People think they're making something unique, but really we're 166 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,799 only allowed to mix them in one of a dozen different ways. 167 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,759 You see, we can't run the risk of a customer 168 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,439 accidentally discovering a brand-new colour, copyrighting it, 169 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,159 and then going on to make millions. 170 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:10,119 Like what happened in the United States of America. 171 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,719 Somebody discovered a new colour? 172 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,239 Never seen before. 173 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,479 They're going to introduce it over here next year, but we're going to 174 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,479 have to change all our printers and tellies 175 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,239 - so that they can deal with it. - Well, what's it called? 176 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,959 - Frelliple. - Frelliple? - Probably. 177 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,559 What's it look like? 178 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:25,679 Now you're asking! 179 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,559 It's kind of a very dark sort of white. 180 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:32,519 With sort of... It's gre... If you can imagine a kind of red and blue. 181 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,319 It's like stripes, it's almost see through. 182 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:36,959 It's basically tartan. 183 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,599 It's impossible to describe. 184 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,919 One thing I do know is that, as soon as I can, 185 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:45,880 I am treating myself to a shirt made from the finest frelliple silk. 186 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,079 Have you taken your break? 187 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,480 I've only been here an hour! 188 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,639 Take your break now, because Andre's in the warehouse this afternoon. 189 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,000 Now? 190 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,359 All right? 191 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,960 - It's Kace... Kacey? - Yeah. 192 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,279 I didn't realise you were in today. 193 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,759 - Yeah, I've been in here an hour and a half. No-one's noticed. - Oh. 194 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,600 Do you...? Do you want a cup of tea or are you not bothered? 195 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,040 Is that beard itchy? 196 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,440 Itchy? No. 197 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,719 Why would I have a beard if it was itchy? 198 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:34,760 Looks itchy. 199 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,360 Looks like it would feel itchy. 200 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,120 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 201 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,280 - Why do you have a beard? - Why do you wear a hat? 202 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,039 I'm not wearing a hat. 203 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,439 No, but if you were, that would be my response to you. 204 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,079 Why do you have your ears pierced? That's a better example. 205 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,359 Why do you have your ears pierced? 206 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,919 - Just because. - There you go. It's... It's just because. 207 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:58,960 Mm. 208 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,079 That were funny before when you thought I was calling you a wanker. 209 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,799 Who were you calling a wanker, Gordon? 210 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,079 Of course Gordon. 211 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,799 I mean, don't you think he's such a wanker? 212 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,520 - I haven't really thought about it. - Go on, have a think. 213 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:13,799 Yeah, I suppose he is a bit. 214 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,599 Yeah, you watch, now that I've pointed it out, 215 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,120 you'll notice it all the time. 216 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,879 - QUIETLY: - Christ.. - Are you on your break? - Yep. 217 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,199 - How long have you been on your break? - About ten minutes. 218 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,319 How long have you been on your break? 219 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,040 Two minutes, you literally just sent me on my break. 220 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:35,640 See? 221 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,839 Have you been here years, then? 222 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:39,880 Five years. 223 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,600 - Can I...? - Yeah. 224 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,239 What did you do before this? 225 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,960 I was an underwater welder. 226 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,759 - What does that mean? - Which part, underwater or welder? 227 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,199 Both, when you put them together. 228 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,159 Well, I welded things that were underwater, 229 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,679 which meant that I had to go underwater, too. 230 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,639 In like the diving gear and everything? 231 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:02,840 Almost always. 232 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,999 What sort of things need welding underwater? 233 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,720 Ships, oil rigs... 234 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,999 Mainly ships and oil rigs. 235 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,919 But isn't welding like fire? 236 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,559 - Yes. - Oh, so how does that work, then? 237 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,279 - Would you like me to explain? - No, actually, you're all right. 238 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,639 Why'd you give it up? 239 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,079 It's a young man's game, underwater welding. 240 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,439 You can't do it for too long. 241 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,720 Takes its toll. 242 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,399 And did you have the beard then, or..? 243 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,919 No. I wouldn't have been able to get a watertight seal 244 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,320 - around me diving mask. - Oh, yeah, I was going to say. 245 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,319 Hi, Hilary, is he in...? 246 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,319 - Hello, love. He's in his room. - OK. 247 00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,640 Can I have a word? 248 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:01,880 It's a bit awkward. 249 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,079 Your dad's been taking the empty water bottles 250 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,439 and hiding them in his room. 251 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:07,839 The water cooler bottles? 252 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,839 The thing is they collect the empties on Wednesday. 253 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,359 What's he taking them for? 254 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:14,479 I don't know, he's saying it wasn't him. 255 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,199 Well, are you sure it was him? 256 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:17,759 I've seen him taking them. 257 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,719 He keeps an eye out for when they're nearly empty 258 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,759 and then smuggles them away when he thinks no-one's looking. 259 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,399 All right, er, thanks, Hilary. 260 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,240 I'll see if I can work out what's going on! 261 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,000 KNOCKING 262 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,999 - Hello, Dad. - Hello, son. Come on in. 263 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,719 - Shut the door. - You all right? What are you looking for? 264 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:55,760 Shut the door. 265 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,839 I remembered something. 266 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,079 Something that'd help with your problem. 267 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,319 What problem was that? 268 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,039 What we talked about yesterday. 269 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,239 You know, I know where you can get some answers. 270 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,999 I am sorry, Dad, I'm being dim. What were we talking about? 271 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,040 Homunculi! 272 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,239 Come again? 273 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,519 Alchemy. 274 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,519 Can't talk about it here. They'll be listening in. 275 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,680 Let's go for a walk. 276 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,280 Take a look in there. 277 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,480 What've you got these for, Dad? 278 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,520 Did I ever tell you about Egypt? 279 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,839 I think so, yes, when you were on National Service? 280 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:48,119 That's right. When I was there I met a man, 281 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:52,879 an old mystic, Italian, and he was studying metaphysics 282 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,760 - and alchemic lore. - OK... 283 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,799 Anyway, I became an apprentice, really, so to speak. 284 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,399 I was the only one he trusted to help him with his experiments. 285 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,799 OK... 286 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:09,879 Eventually this brilliant man managed to grow, and generate 287 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:14,319 homunculi, tiny prophets who lived in great glass jars full of water. 288 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,279 Wait a minute, Dad. I remember this story. You used to tell it to me 289 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,079 before bed. Little people in jars. 290 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,479 But, Dad, I don't think it actually happened. 291 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,760 Oh, it did happen, I was there, I saw them, there were six of them. 292 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:32,799 Yeah, I remember, there was a king and a queen, a monk...? 293 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:38,359 A knight, a peasant and a seraph, exquisite little beings. 294 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,919 They could predict the future. 295 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,919 Yeah. They could answer any question, 296 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,519 once they had reached the State of Divination, 297 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,280 and they had to answer truthfully. 298 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,959 That was my favourite story, Dad. 299 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,479 Dad, are you sure that you didn't get it from a book? 300 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,799 No, no, no. 301 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,359 I wrote it in a book. I wrote the instructions all down in a journal. 302 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,359 But it's... It's gone. 303 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:00,679 I can't find it. 304 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,279 Well, I've got a lot of your things, remember, at my house. 305 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,079 I said I'd look after them for you when you moved in here. 306 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,919 Well, that's where it'll be, then. And it's all written down. 307 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:14,199 OK, Dad. Dad, Dad, listen, even if I can find it, 308 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,959 you're not allowed to practise alchemy in the Golden Years Garden. 309 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,959 No, no. It's up to you. You're the one who wants the answers. 310 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,200 They'll be able to tell you where Clea is. 311 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,759 - Oh, Dad... - No, no. 312 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,559 The prophets will tell you where she is, and you go find her 313 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:30,919 and bring her back. 314 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,759 I'll guide you. That's what the bottles are for. 315 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,879 Take all the bottles, fill them with rain water - got to be rain water. 316 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,959 You'll need some other ingredients but the journal will take you 317 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,560 through all that. You've just got to find the journal. 318 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,039 Come on. 319 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,720 Yeah, that's it. 320 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,439 He thinks I'm taking them out to the car. 321 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,959 It's a long story. All right if I leave them round the corner? 322 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,759 Yeah. All right, love, thanks. 323 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,599 He should be all right now. 324 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,720 See you tomorrow. 325 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,080 Michael! 326 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,039 All right, mate? You're looking well. 327 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,039 Hello, Roy. 328 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,639 I went round the house earlier. 329 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:38,279 Yeah, no, I was here visiting Dad. 330 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,199 I've been trying to call you. Left a few messages. 331 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,559 Yeah, sometimes I... I forget to check. 332 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:44,960 I forget to turn it on. 333 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,760 - I need to speak to you, Michael. - Yeah. Yeah, OK. 334 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,639 - Shall we go back to the house? - No. 335 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,280 There's a cafe around the corner. 336 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:57,640 Pickles. 337 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,399 Do you want something? 338 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,959 Oh, erm, sausage, egg and chips, please. 339 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,999 - Who's paying? - I'm skint, mate. 340 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,280 - Just a cup of tea, please. - Two, thanks. - No problem. 341 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,239 How are you? Are you well? 342 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,760 Skint. I just told you. 343 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,879 I'm paying for three kids while she's sat on her fat arse 344 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,200 eating crisps. 345 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,560 - Are they still down south? - In Reading, yeah. 346 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,560 How often do you get to...? 347 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,039 I don't, Michael. I'm living in a shitty flat above a Costcutter 348 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,599 so they can't come to me. And I'm not welcome down there, 349 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,400 so weeks, months go by between visits. 350 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,520 Sorry. 351 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:51,480 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 352 00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:00,239 This place is named after the dog that found the World Cup. 353 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,280 Pickles. 354 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,999 I don't know what the connection is. 355 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,599 I don't think he was from around here. 356 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,840 It's time to give back what's mine, Michael. 357 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:13,639 What if she comes back? 358 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,839 - Clea is not coming back. - What if she does? 359 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,519 Michael, they found her car on the Severn Bridge. 360 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,279 Yes, and she wasn't in it. 361 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,479 Mate, I don't know whether I miss her as much as you do, 362 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,880 I think about her every day. 363 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,080 She was my sister. 364 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,199 But there's nothing I could have done. 365 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,760 And I've made my peace with that. 366 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,720 This Christmas it'll be seven years. 367 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,000 We can apply for a presumption of death. 368 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,880 I want the house back, Michael. 369 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,279 - It belongs to me. - What are you going to do, move in? 370 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,479 No, I'm going to sell it. 371 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,719 Well, I'll stay on until you find a buyer. 372 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,519 No-one's going to buy it, the state it's in. 373 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,839 Needs to be cleared out, there might be structural damage, 374 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,839 - there might be... - I've got to go. 375 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,639 For Christ's sake, Michael, I drove past there this afternoon. 376 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,959 The guttering's hanging off, the garden's impenetrable, 377 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,839 Christ knows what it's like inside. 378 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,799 It's time to take your head out of the sand, mate. 379 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,000 She's not coming back! 380 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,119 Good evening, Olive, you all right, love? 381 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,039 Hello, Michael. 382 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,479 What's that... Fertiliser? 383 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,839 No, these plants are all plastic. Don't need watering, 384 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,079 don't need fertilising. 385 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,799 Oh, right, so what is that you were sprinkling? 386 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,399 Slug pellets. 387 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,679 Sorry, if the flowers are plastic, what are the slugs eating? 388 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,119 The slug pellets. 389 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,839 Oh, right. 390 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,599 Cheerio, then. 391 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,719 Oh, I tell you who I saw here today. 392 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,079 Yeah. Who was that? 393 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,239 Your brother-in-law, Roy. 394 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:05,400 He was looking for you. 395 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:10,879 ARGUING 396 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,960 Well, I'd say let the robots take over. 397 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,880 - Hiya, Michael! Olive! You all right? - Yeah. 398 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,520 - Hello, Michael. - Hello, Bev. 399 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:30,680 Best be off, Olive. 400 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:32,960 Cheerio, then, Mike. 401 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,999 We were never married. 402 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,439 What's that, love? 403 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,479 It's just you said brother-in-law, 404 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:42,719 but Clea and I, 405 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,640 well, we were never married. 406 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:47,800 Cheerio! 407 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,000 THUNDER RUMBLES 408 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:26,759 ♪ I know we're older now 409 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,320 ♪ And lost again 410 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:37,759 ♪ Down at the cul-de-sac 411 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,640 ♪ You left, my friend 412 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,399 ♪ Will you come back? 413 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,879 ♪ Come back again... ♪ 414 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,280 Elliot! Come in, lad. 415 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:58,439 ♪ Will you come back? 416 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,680 ♪ Come back again 417 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,679 ♪ I put the kettle on 418 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,319 ♪ The wise man's song 419 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,120 ♪ For you 420 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,239 ♪ I took a needle and thread 421 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:33,720 ♪ To make amends with you 422 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,999 ♪ And the tape rolls on 423 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,079 ♪ Another year gone 424 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:47,199 ♪ And I await your cue 425 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,519 ♪ I put the kettle on 426 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,199 ♪ The wise man's song 427 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:54,920 ♪ For you. ♪ 428 00:28:54,944 --> 00:28:56,944 _